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Divorce Reasons: North Carolina Man, Warren Pegram, Blames …

There are many factors that contribute to divorce, including money, infidelity and general incompatibility — to name a few. But one North Carolina man is playing the blame game with an unlikely source: his church.

According to FOX 8 WGHP, Warren Pegram is suing Cane Creek Meeting of the Society of Friends, a Quaker church, for encouraging his wife to leave him and helping her move out of their marital home. Pegram and his estranged wife split in February 2012 after 28 years of marriage.

“I think the church had a great deal to do with [the divorce],” he said. “I won’t say they’re 100 percent responsible but they certainly made it happen. I don’t think she could’ve moved out if the church didn’t help her. They provided all the people to move the stuff.”

According North Carolina newspaper The Times News, Pegram’s lawsuit also states that pastor Mark Tope went on vacations with the couple at the request of Pegram’s wife, and spent time with her when Pegram wasn’t present.

“The defendant’s pastor made multiple visits to Plaintiff and his wife’s residence to play Wii games with them not at the invitation of the Plaintiff,” Pegram claims in the suit.

Pegram says his wife was responsible for 60 percent of the household bills and that he has struggled financially since she left. He is suing the church for $180,000 plus $10 million in punitive damages.

The church has since denied the allegations and filed a motion to dismiss the case in their January 14 response to the complaint.

Watch the video above for more on Pegram’s lawsuit. Then, click through the slides below for 10 other weird divorce stories.

  • Kidney Catastrophe

    Is it appropriate to ask your ex to return a gift post-divorce? This Long Island surgeon certainly thinks so. He gave his wife a kidney while they were married. But after she filed for divorce in July 2005, <a href=”http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=6591415″ target=”_hplink”>he wanted it back</a>.

  • Splitting The Assets

    After divorcing his wife of 18 years in October 2008, Moeun Sarim wanted exactly 50 percent of his marital assets. To collect his share, he gathered up his tools, called his relatives for help and <a href=”http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27113959/ns/world_news-weird_news/t/cambodians-saw-house-divorce-settlement/” target=”_hplink”>sawed his house in half</a>. His ex-wife still lives on her side.

  • Mama’s Boy

    A young Italian groom was so unready to leave his mother’s side, he brought her on his honeymoon in January this year. His unimpressed bride <a href=”http://old.news.yahoo.com/s/ac/20110129/lf_ac/7728736_motherinlaw_destroys_italian_couples_marriage” target=”_hplink”>asked for a divorce three weeks later</a>.

  • Getting Her Goat

    Steve Killeen and his wife already had a dog, but she wanted more pets. One day, she saw photos of baby goats online and decided she had to have one. But after they split in October 2009, <a href=”http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/money/money-matters/man-who-got-his-wifes-goat-in-bizarre-divorce-settlement/story-fn300aev-1225788539626″ target=”_hplink”>her ex-husband got her goat</a>. Literally.

  • Walled In

    This couple agreed to divorce in 2007, but neither would move out their marital home. Tired of their arguments, a judge ordered the couple to <a href=”http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17856207/from/RS.1″ target=”_hplink”>split the house in half</a>–by building a wall through it.

  • Was It My Crow’s Feet?

    This woman got married at age 30, but told her husband she was just 24. Ten years into their marriage, in November 2007, <a href=”http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2007-11/28/content_6284496.htm” target=”_hplink”>he found out about the lie</a>–and asked for a divorce.

  • Grown Up Grounded

    One man <a href=”http://newyorkdivorcenews.com/child-support-violations-leads-to-unusual-ruling/331028/” target=”_hplink”>failed to pay child support</a>, to the tune of $14,000, last June. To control his spending, a judge took away his TV, internet, magazine, cell phone and newspaper privileges.

  • Tattle Tale

    What would you do if your pet bird started to say things like “divorce” or “be patient”? In June 2001, <a href=”http://archives.cnn.com/2001/WORLD/asiapcf/east/06/19/china.bird/index.html” target=”_hplink”>those phrases</a> proved to one woman that her husband had been unfaithful–and that was grounds for divorce.

  • What’s Mine Is Yours

    This couple had a hard time deciding who would get the farm after they split in 2008. To solve the problem–and ensure that his ex-wife got her fair share–<a href=”http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/04/04/us-serbia-divorce-idUSL0317448420080404″ target=”_hplink”>this farmer used a grinder</a> to cut his farm equipment in half.

  • Phallic Faux Pas

    Size mattered <em>too</em> much <a href=”http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/241571-man-faces-divorce-after-penis-extension-breaks-during-sex” target=”_hplink”>for this man</a>. His wife split in 2008 after a prosthetic penis extension snapped off during sex.

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Simply Shamime: Beware of the Male Ego: #2 “An Eligible Ego?”

I love the articleEligible, Black, Male, and Hopelessly Single. For once it highlights what black men have to offer instead of highlighting what many women or sociological studies claim black men lack.

The Ghosts referenced in the above article mirror men that date multiple women and do not marry (in general)…Men are NOT dating seriously or marrying because of their ego. Not the “I am better than you ego, but an internal ego battle to feel, “masculine” in the eyes of their love interest. Guillain-Barr syndrome . I know women claim men cant “balance” a relationship when trying to get their shit together. However, men seem to balance one night stands, movies, paying their cellphone bill, eating and a job. It is not that men cant find women, and it is not that they cant readily date or marry a woman…

WHAT men of all races cant handle is a woman that MIGHT have more going than they do. Many men are single, because women expect them to be in higher education, a career or have MONEY. Similar to men expecting women to cook, encourage them and have a job herself. It is a Catch 22 for men. If a woman is smart she will question his actions and motivation (and maybe make more money). If a woman is not so smart, she will spend his MONEY instead of asking questions, because she doesnt have the capacity to ask him anything. It is hard to find a thoughtless thoughtful woman with a full time job and the ability to manage, a relationship, marriage or children, YET alone a checkbook! Of course I am speaking in extremes, but the concept is true.

It is not necessarily money that is an issue, but the intellectual dialogue and work ethic a man and woman share. Many women of certain standards expect men to eventually achieve more than where he is presently sitting (a little thing called growth). If men understand that women are not expecting an Audi, but expecting him to dedicate himself to something other than easy women, sex and only “talk about being a better man, he will have to worry about the Audi. Remember the saying, Shoot for the moon, but if you miss you fall with the stars? The male ego cant handle the latter. Men need to feel on top from the start and know they will be on top the entire time. One of my blog posts It doesnt matter how hot you are it just matters how good you make him feel

Men do not want a daily reminder by a beautiful woman that they might not measure up and she might very well leave (because he doesn’t have his shit together). Men want to settle down, but NOT when their pride is threatened and they feel guilty for not being better. If men can forget about driving an Audi and try not to focus so much on what they DONT have women will notice their burgeoning independence/confidence. A Man does not have to be ready made, he simply needs to ready himself to achieve. AND lastly, in response the article: Maybe Samson had lice and his woman was smart enough to convince him to cut his hair…



Dear Aunt Nadithi: Madly in-love with a married man | Malawi News

I am a 32-year-old beautiful and intelligent woman with a good job. Three years ago my husband and I divorced following his infidelity. We have a six-year-old son and I spoil him ferociously.

After the divorce, I vowed to keep clear of all men as I was very disappointed with the unfaithfulness of my former husband and could not find myself to trust anything in trousers. Two years went by without my dating or having any interest in men. However, nature being what it is Auntie, I found myself again on the dating scene. I went out with one or two single men but I found these guys lacking in satisfying me. Then seven months ago, I met this absolutely wonderful guy. He is handsome, smart, romantic, and intelligent. And he is everything a woman can dream of in a man. He is so respectful and sensitive of my feelings. I can go on and on.

The problem with this beau is that he is married. I have no problem with this because he admitted to me up front and we seem to have worked things out and he visits my son and I as frequently as he possibly can and I desire. Fotografia . My conscious tells me to give him up because he is a married man, but I love him too much to give him up. He tells me that he loves me too and does not want to give me up also. The problem today is that his wife found out about us and has embarked on calling me on my cell phone at all hours of the day at work and at home and calling me all manner of vulgar names. I just listen and do not retort. I have not told my lover but the calls are getting ugly. I feel I can no longer just be the passive hearer of these ugly outbursts. I am at the cross roads. What should I do?

In-love and Tormented

Dear In-love and Tormented

You began your letter by saying that you are a beautiful and an intelligent woman. This being the case, you should realize that there is no way that you can or should continue with this relationship. It is based on a lie from the very beginning. Secondly, this relationship debases you as you are playing second fiddle to this other woman who is exercising her liberty, and excuse me, also exercising her right to abuse you as you are disturbing her union with her husband. Whether she is right or wrong, is another story but you are trespassing in her garden. You have placed yourself smack in the middle of a battlefield and you are the enemy for this woman. Just as other women played around with your ex-husband, you are now playing in her turf. No wonder you are tormented. Get out of the soup in the boiling pot and find yourself your own man.

I am not saying that you do not feel love for this man, but honestly, he is not available and is being totally selfish and unfair to keep both you and his wife. Sometimes in love we have to make difficult decisions and give up those things we hold dear and precious. Give this dear man the boot and trust that you will find someone who will love you and be there just for you.
++++

Am I her fool?

Dear Aunt Nadithi:

I am a man aged 27 with a fianc aged 25. She has a daughter with her ex-boyfriend who deserted her after she became pregnant. Due to lack of communication I decided to buy her a phone but now I am having restless days and nights.

She receives phone calls from other men but when I ask her about them she just answers that I cant know them. When I insisted she refused to say anything but eventually succumbed to my pressure.

She says the guy is a business man and they want to do business of cosmetics together. The conversations with this guy are so disjointed when I am with her that I now believe she is hiding something from me.

When I go to her house, she answers the phone in the bedroom, locked. I really dont know what to do about her. I love this girl and she loves me as well but how can I stop her behaviour? She has more than 10 names of male friends in her cellphone, but has never told me about any one of them.

Am I being a sissy by allowing this to continue? Am I a fool to allow her have all these men friends while I just sit and watch?

CS

Dear CS:

Stop having restless days and nights, you are not being a sissy or a fool in allowing your woman have the men friends she has. This is simply because whether you allow her or not, she will still maintain these. She has after all explained that she is prospecting doing business with one of the guys. It may well be that the planning stages for this business venture is in its infancy and therefore she does not want to give out all the details.
Your suspicions that your woman may be having an affair may be baseless.

She could be sincere. However when suspicion arises in a relation, it is always good to let the other person know about them; it is not good to hold them in your heart. Let her know that you’re not happy with what she is doing, especially about holding telephone conversations in her bedroom, and behind closed doors.

If she continues and her actions still make you uncomfortable, you may try moving away from the relationship and monitor it from a distance. If she detects your move and is genuinely still interested in maintaining the relationship with you, she will move closer to you. If she keeps put where she is carrying on with her ventures, you might consider terminating the relationship and move on to find another woman.
++++

How can I tell her that I am an orphan?

Dear Aunt Nadithi:

My girlfriend and I have been madly in love for two years now and we intend to marry. As lovers, we have been telling each other all our problems, life experience and family backgrounds. Aunt the problem is that I never told her that both parents are deceased; instead, I have been pretending just as if they are still alive.

Our relationship is getting stronger and I am afraid that she has to know the truth. If I do, definitely she will ask me why I didn’t tell her all this time. On the other hand if I don’t tell her soon and she realizes it herself, I will be on fire. What should I do for her to know the truth and for the relationship to prevail?

Desperate

Dear Desperate:

It is unfortunate that you hid this information and did not reveal it to your girlfriend. Sometimes such detail, and this is not a minor one, is important to a relationship as you realize. I greatly suggest that you tell her immediately and get it off your list of hidden facts about yourself. This will also get it off your chest and remove the guilt you now feel. If she really loves you, your status will not affect the relationship. You can tell her by taking her to the people who have been looking after you following your parents deaths. Introduce them and then let her know that your parents died. If she asks why you did not tell her before, let her know how pained you are and I am sure she will understand.

(c) The Maravi Post 2013



Advice For Dating A Divorced Man – Internet Dating Advice

When your marriage is moving along smoothly it feels as though everything else in your life fits perfectly into place. Our central relationship grounds us and helps us feel strong and supported. When signs of wear and emotional tear begin to show around the corners of a marriage, it’s easy to look the other way in the hopes that it’s just a passing phase or your wife will get over what she’s feeling. Workers Compensation Audit . Many men do this and then one day they are confronted with the face that their wife has left me. “How do I get my wife to come back home?” That’s a question you never want to be asking but if you have to, you need an answer that is proven and effective. Learning how to change your relationship with your wife and get her to want to move back in and work on the marriage takes insight, compassion and a whole lot of understanding.

When a man is asking the question, “How do I get my wife to come back home?” it’s always asked with a mixture of sadness and confusion. Obviously just asking her to come back won’t work. News submission . She left because the marriage wasn’t fulfilling her needs. You need to work with her to determine what those needs are and how you can be a better partner for her. The first step you should be taking towards doing that is owing up to your own mistakes in the marriage. This is not a time to hold onto your manly pride. Your marriage is at stake so you need to take a long, hard and honest look at your own behavior and then make amends for that.

You also must communicate more with your wife if you hope to persuade her to come back home to be with you. That means you need to schedule times when you two can talk with each other in a calm, controlled and uninterrupted manner. Ask her to choose a time when she’d like to talk and be clear with her that you have no intention of monopolizing the conversation or of pushing her into a corner. You have to allow her the freedom to openly express what she feels. If you don’t, she’ll refuse to talk and your marriage will have absolutely no chance of being saved at all.

Dating your wife may feel or seem like a foreign concept since you two have been married for a time but it can actually transform a relationship that is failing. One common reason why women leave their husbands is they feel neglected or unappreciated. If you start showing your wife how much you value and appreciate the time you get to spend with her, it can change her attitude fairly quickly. Ask her out the way you used to before you two wed. Treat her like the queen you did back then and she’ll soon start to see that you really do view her as a priceless treasure that you can’t live without.

advice for dating a divorced man



PHEW! This “Racy” – I Am Divorced Not Dead





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calgary author hockey mom the secret sex life of a single mom

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So this past weekend I was invited out for drinks and appies with the moms of my son’s hockey teams — a great opportunity to get to know each other outside the rink.  And inevitably, as the evening wore on, a question was posed to me that I normally avoid:

“What do you do for work, Delaine?” the team manager  asked  innocently.

To me (Miss Paranoid), all other conversation at the table seemed to halt and everyone stared at me.

You see… I don’t usually tell people I am an author.  At least, not people in my Calgary community.  For, of course, the next question is: “What’s it about?”, then “What’s its title?”  And the cold, honest truth is that “The Secret Life of a Single Mom” leaves a pretty strong (first) impression! I think it’s misleading too —  makes it sound like a sexual memoir and it’s not. Bottom line: I worry  I’ll end up being headline news in the bleachers.

It’s not that I’m embarrassed or ashamed of my book or my dating and sex adventures during the first year after my divorce.  Quite the contrary actually. It’s just…well, you see, I created a “rule” for myself  — that I wouldn’t tell acquaintances about my book if they know, or are involved with, my children.  I’ve been fearful of  judgement or backlash; that’s the problem with writing about sex at all.  So why even potentially invite trouble?

But on this night out with the hockey moms, I don’t know if my courage was high or my tongue just got the better of me:  I ended up spilling the entire case of beans.  And their reactions caught me off guard:

“Oh my God, I read it!!!” blurted the mom two seats down.  Laughter erupted at the table.  “Wow!” she said, leaning back with a knowing smile. “With a Dom?  Well done!”

A few other moms suddenly pulled out their iPhones.  “I want to download it!” I heard, followed by: “They were talking about your book on Virgin Radio’s morning show the other day!”

The cat was now out of the bag.  And instead of being viciously attacked (like I said, I’m a bit paranoid!), we went on to have some very intimate and most interesting conversation about marriage, sex, divorce, even cheating.  I was shocked – it was like a feeding frenzy over my book’s topics and themes.

The next evening I told my best friend, “Hali”, who’s an important character in book, about what happened with the hockey moms.  “They seemed so open-minded about it all,” I said happily.  “I’m so relieved!”

“You just wait,” she cautioned with a dubious grin.  “They WILL judge you.  They all judge through the prism of their own experiences.  And if they’re all married, they plain and simply won’t relate. Remember what happened with that Calgary book club of married moms you were uninvited to…”

Hali’s words weighed on me a bit.  I comforted myself by thinking  no one would even download it.  “You aren’t that important, Delaine, they were just enjoying a night out.”

Then, yesterday’s practice arrived.

I was sitting in the stands with another mom, totally prepared to keep the conversation light and never, EVER, mention my book again.

But out of the corner of my eye I saw the team manager marching toward us in the stands.  And before she even said sat down, she blurted: “I finished it last night!”

(oh GAWD!, burying face in hands!)

The mom that was already sitting beside me replied, “Well I finished it the night before!”

And what followed (after my face returned from crimson to white) was an hour of intimate and thought-inspiring conversation in the bleachers. We huddled together like school girls, keeping our voices low, and sometimes sharing giggles.

I know that ‘other’, less ‘kind’ conversations may still go on behind my back; I kind of expect it.  And I’ve no intention of making my “Calgary author” status known among acquaintances in future. But it sure feels good to know that I’ve positively impacted other women’s lives — and to bask in the freedom that comes with speaking honestly and frankly…. before I go back into hiding, that is *grin .











True Love is Hard Work | Laurell K Hamilton

Its been very interesting reading the comments on my FaceBook page about love, and the flowers that Jon, my husband, gave me. There seems to be this idea that men are barbarians and women are the civilizing influences, so we train them up to be what we need, or want. Or that there are only a few perfect men out there, and Ive lucked out and found one. Both those thoughts are based on incomplete logic, and in fact I havent found either to be true.
First, its insulting to men to cast them in the role of hapless, even stupid, until the right woman comes along and trains them up. A couple trains and teaches each other. You both learn and grow together if the relationship is to be a happy and fulfilling one.
Second, this idea that I found the perfect man and there is just a few of them out there, and if a woman could find the right one, then shed be as happy as I am discounts all the time and effort that Jon and I have put into our relationship. There is no perfect man, or woman, out there. The idea that the right person will make everything in your life work effortlessly is just not true, but a lot of people believe it. I think that one of the reasons for the high divorce rate is this fallacy that if you fall in love with the right person that it will all be easy, and that if it isnt easy then youve obviously chosen badly and you need to find someone else. Sometimes you do choose badly, and a divorce is the only cure. My first marriage ended in divorce after sixteen years. We were college sweethearts, and we went virgin to our honeymoon after a big church wedding. Nearly twenty years later I was a different person than the one he married, and we grew apart rather than together, until there were so many differences we could no longer thrive as a couple. I left when I realized I would rather be alone the rest of my life than be in a marriage that made me miserable. I planned to never marry again. Six months later I was engaged to Jon.
I did everything differently the second time. I insisted we live together first, because I had learned that you never really know someone until you wake up beside them, see them sick, after a hard days work, happy, sad, whatever. Anyone can pretend while they date, but sharing a home . . . you learn the real them, and the real you as a couple. Again, dating is all about the special, but marriage is all about the ordinary. A lot of men that are great on special occasions and will sweep you off your feet in that romantic way, suck at the every day. No, really, they do, just like some women that hit that same romantic note may totally suck at being a permanent partner. You cant live on little black dresses and roses, because somedays the toilet over flows and somebody has to wait for the plumber to show up. Was that unromantic? Good, because real life cannot be all flowers and pretty, real life is messy and you want someone who is willing to get down in the trenches with you, even if it means getting mud on their Gucci loafers.
Being married to my first husband didnt help me be married to Jon, they were too different, and I was too different from the girl who married the first time. What I needed in a partner had changed almost completely. I was nearly twenty years older, so that made sense, but it was weird to realize that I had to throw away most of my preconceptions of marriage to make the second one work. I think a lot of people that marry over and over again, try to treat people like cookie cutters and fit different spouses into the same shape of marriage, and then theyre surprised why it doesnt fit. They have a new shape of cookie, a new relationship and it needs to be treated like something brand new, and special in its own right.
One thing I did learn from my first marriage was that you had to make everyday special. You couldnt wait for holidays, or anniversaries, because there werent enough of them, not for me. Im the kind of person that needs anniversary sex daily, and flowers for no reason more often mean more to me than a big, expensive bouquet on my birthday. Now, I know I said earlier that dating is all about the special, and marriage is all about the every day, but successful marriage for me is about making every day special. Now, you cant do it literally every single day, because there are days when the child is sick, the work deadline is crushing you, and by the end of the day you and your spouse are so tired you just want to fall into bed and sleep. It happens, the point is to make sure it doesnt happen too often. That takes conscious effort on both your parts to understand that being married to the other person is a privilege, not a right. You earn privileges, rights are given to you like the Constitution gives rights. You must always remember that marriage is about earning the privilege to continue to be happily married, and its up to each person, each couple, each family, to figure out what that means for them.
Heres the other thing I learned from my first marriage that helped me make a happier one the second time around. Love doesnt mean the same thing to everyone. That means that how you show love isnt the same, and what makes you feel loved isnt the same. That sounds logical, right? You just have to find out what makes the other person feel loved and do those things, but what if they are mutually exclusive things?
To one person doing the dishes makes them feel loved, but to the other person being made to do dishes feels like punishment, maybe it was a punishment as a child so to have their spouse complain about them not doing the dishes throws them back into unhappy childhood memories. But the dishes still have to be done, and the other half of the couple will not think its fair to do them all the time. It is the job of the couple to find out why dishes are such a hot button for them. Figure that out, and the half that was punished with dish washing can offer to cook more often, or vacuum more often, or take some task that their spouse hates more than dishes.
You were punished by being made to mow the lawn, Ill do that, if youll do the dishes, because it makes me feel punished to do them. Is that fair? Only if both halves of the couple feel its fair. Thats just one small example of the kind of dynamics that go into a long term relationship.
Heres another example of the confusion that can happen if love means different things to people. I sent flowers to my first husbands work once. I loved him and wanted him to have a happy reminder of that at his job. He came home and told me, Never do that it again. It had embarrassed him for his wife to send him flowers, and the other guys had given him shit about it. I had meant it to be romantic and tender, to make him as happy to get the flowers as it had made me to pick them out and send them, but it had made him unhappy and far from making him feel special, or loved, it had made him feel just the opposite. I must admit that his reaction to my flowers made me feel very unloved, too, so lesson learned. carrera de fotografia . I never sent him flowers again.
Go forward about twenty years and Im seriously dating Jon now. I was out on one of the last big book tours I would do by myself without Jon. I was gone for weeks and it was the longest we had been apart since we got serious. I sent him roses to his job with the first stanza from Elizabeth Barrett Brownings poem, How Do I love Thee, Let me count the ways . . .
Now I was taking a chance here since a similar gesture had blown up in my face with my first husband, but I had been dating Jon for nearly six months, living together most of that time, and we had been friends for eight years before that. I had sent him flowers to congratulate him for getting his first big job out of college and he had liked them. Id done other romantic gestures for him, so I thought it was worth a try. But not only had I arranged for this bouquet, but I had arranged for a different color of rose and the next stanza of the poem on the card to be sent to his work every day for a week.
He got the same ribbing that my first husband had gotten from male coworkers for the first flowers, but Jon was able to proudly say, She loves me, and she wants me to know that. To him the flowers and the poem meant he was loved, just like it meant to me that I loved him. We matched up in our love expectations and actions. Yay!
The women at work thought it was very romantic, the first day. By day three the women were getting hostile to him, and the men at work were having two reactions. One, what sexual secret did Jon know to make a woman send him this many flowers!? Jons answer of, She loves me, and I love her, did not make the men stop trying to wheedle this bedroom secret from him. Two, that he was making them look bad in front of the women they were dating. He actually had one boyfriend who didnt even work with him come over and talk to him, because the flowers were making the boyfriends girlfriend who worked with Jon complain to the boyfriend. Why didnt she get flowers from him?
The boyfriend said, Youre making me look bad. Tell your girlfriend to stop sending you flowers to work.
Jons reply, I dont make her do anything, and I like getting the flowers. You can get a five dollar bouquet of flowers from the grocery store across the street and give them to your girlfriend.
I have dated other men besides Jon where the big gesture wasnt as appreciated. It didnt fall as flat as it did with my first husband, but it made the men uncomfortable. Part of the lack of comfort came from the fact that I was dating men ten years, or more younger than myself the second time round, and I had more money and resources to do the big gesture than men in their twenties. ( I did try dating men in my own decade, but I had many of the same issues with them that Id had with my first husband. Ten years, or more younger and we got a long better. Jon is twelve years my junior.) I apparently made some men feel less manly, because I wanted to do the big romantic gesture and I did it better, or more expensively than they could. Again, go back to the whole idea of love means different things to different people, you have to respect that and figure it out. I knew I wanted to date a man that enjoyed getting flowers from me, so I did. I wanted to be rewarded for my romantic inclinations, my generous impulses, not feel punished for them. That goes back to the whole who washes the dishes question, well, who feels punished and more emotionally attached to the dishes? What do flowers at work mean to a man? Is it a good thing, or a bad thing? Find out, and respect their feelings. Thats really the key talk, communicate, and find ways to make you both feel happy and loved.
Strangely, Jon no longer likes getting flowers at work. This made me very sad, but the reason is that he works out of the house just like I do now. Flowers at work where he couldnt see me and touch me were reminders that he was loved and got to go home to me. Flowers at home/work seem useless to him, because I can just find him and hug and love on him in person. Why send flowers when were together during the day anyway? Once we talked it out it made sense, but it still made me sad that he no longer enjoys getting flowers. On the the other hand I love when he gets me flowers, so he does, because for me as I write alone in my office they are a reminder that I am loved. This is just one example of how things that made us both feel loved when we were dating have changed. You have to honor the changes in each other, as well as the things that stay the same.

Posted by LKH at 3:51:46 am on January 27, 2013



Emes Ve-Emunah: The Impact of Tznius on the “Shiddach Crisis”

My outlook on Judaism is based mostly on the teachings of my primary Rebbe, Rabbi Aaron Soloveichik from whom I received my rabbinic ordination. It is also based on a search for spiritual truth. Among the various sources that put me on the right path, two great philosophic works stand out: Halakhic Man and Lonely Man of Faith authored by the pre-eminent Jewish philosopher and theologian, Rabbi, Dr. Joseph B. Soloveitchik. Of great significance is Rabbi, Dr. website SEO tracking . Norman Lamm’s conceptualization and models of Torah UMada and Dr. Eliezer Berkovits who introduced me to the world of philosophic thought. Among my early influences were two pioneers of American Elementary Torah Chinuch, Rabbis Shmuel Kaufman and Yaakov Levi. The Yeshivos I attended were Yeshivas Telshe for early high school and more significantly, the Hebrew Theological College where for a period of ten years. carrera de fotografia . My Rebbeim included such great Rabbinic figures as Rabbis Mordechai Rogov, Shamryahu Meltzer, Yaakov Perlow, Herzl Kaplan, and Selig Starr. I also attended Roosevelt University where I received my Bachelors Degree – majoring in Psychology.



Men in Uniform and Women’s Psyches | World of Psychology

Men in Uniform and Womens PsychesMy friend and I are always bonding over our love for guys in plaid shirts. I don’t know what it is, but the trademark print definitely induces a soft spot and brings smiles. Maybe it alludes to a down-to-earth persona, or an overall feeling of coziness?

In any case, that train of thought got us to thinking about the allure of certain attire and how it can influence impressions (whether we’re conscious of it or not).

A classic example is men in uniform, and since I’ve experienced Fleet Week in New York City, I can pretty much attest to this (rather universal) theory.

So what are the psychological implications of men in uniform?

I casually asked my friend for her opinions, and she said that women probably look for a hardworking and brave man. “Certain professions dictate a certain dress code. In the case of those who fight wars, they often have to dress in camouflage. When women think of servicemen they think that their character is heroic and strong. So perhaps it isn’t necessarily the clothing that the women finds attractive, but what their profession may say about their character.”

An article in The Times of India suggests that uniforms relay a sense of comfort and security, along with the notion that men dressed in this attire exhibit chivalry.

Men in service all have reasons to be coveted. Their profession is such that they cannot help but exude chivary in their mannerisms, which is enough to impress women.

The act of being courteous is perceived to be more respectful than intended to impress. Opening the door for the lady to enter first, holding the chair and allowing her to sit, practicing basic table manners while eating together are just some of the practices that come naturally to them.

The psychological gravitational pull toward a man in uniform isn’t new. A 1995 article in the Los Angeles Times showcases this concept as well. In the article, Midge Wilson, a psychology professor at DePaul University, explains how a man dressed as such delves into the female’s psyche. “A man in uniform taps into… father figures, heroism, protection and power,” he said. “He also suggests a chance for excitement and adventure.”

It sure sounds like it speaks to the fairy tale mindset.

However, the longing for a knight in shining armor (or a man in uniform) does come with a price.

The Times of India article references insight from Barnali Mishra, a PR professional who’s dating an Army officer. She conveys that communication is a challenge. And she notes that — in general — men in the Army may have difficulty expressing their feelings verbally, especially since they’re used to being unreachable due to the nature of their work. Yet “our exchange of thoughts via e-mails is the part I enjoy most,” she said.

All in all, it’s interesting to dig below the surface a bit as to why women tend to go weak in the knees when they see a guy donning his Navy gear.

“Women prefer a partner who can protect them. It has been so since ancient times,” Dr. Geetanjali Sharma, a marriage and relationship counselor, was quotes as saying in the Times article. “It can be assumed that men in uniform are the modern day ‘saviours’ and hence the attraction.”

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    Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Jan 2013
    Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.

 



Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey Waited Until Marriage for Sex

I was cruising the tabloid sites and came across a story that I thought was sweet.

While on Howard Stern, Nick Cannon admitted that wife Mariah Carey and he waited until they were married to have sex. Normally, I don’t like it when a man publicly talks about any doings with a woman in the bedroom. But, you can tell that Nick really appreciates Mariah so maybe we can let this one slide.

Anyway, Nick said, “I knew what her values were. We just made
out before getting married.” He let Howard know he wasn’t worried about Mariah’s lovemaking ability, saying, “It was Mariah Carey. If Mariah Carey gave a bad b******, I’m
still going in. Either way she’s still one of the most
beautiful women on the planet.

I admit Nick’s comment was a tad crass, but what’s important is that which he first mentioned — Mariah’s values. This is what resonated with him.

Some people read this article and kidded that Mariah and Nick only dated for six weeks before deciding to marry. It’s definitely true that they didn‘t have a long wait. Nevertheless, it doesn’t negate that they held out. Plenty of people have one night stands and don’t bother to think about what they want long term.

Everyone teases Nick for being with Mariah because she’s his sugar mamma. But, I don’t know too many men who can continuously speak so highly of a woman if they aren’t truly in love. 

Until next time…

Shine like Platinum!

Vanessa

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He’s lied all along – Talk About Marriage

So my story is long but anyway… We have been separated for over a year and I asked him to move out of our house last July due to him not breaking off an EA with an old flame.

The past few months hes been very attentive, taking me out on dates, wanting to spend time with me. He has even stayed over after family days together and slept in the spare room. I have suspected he has been seeing a new woman, because my son has told me she’s daddy’s “friend”. My husband knows my firm boundary: no other women or forget it. He has sworn left and right he does not have a girlfriend. I’ve asked him point blank about her he says he just knows her from church years ago. (Way before we met).

Last week I find out this woman has posted some very cozy pics of her and him on her facebook – of their weekend away. Posted LAST WEEK. She refers to him as her sweetheart and how she’s in love.

I confronted him he said he is not in a relationship with her and has told her he does not want a relationship. I asked him why is he still seeing her and he said he didn’t know why. Then he said he didn’t want to give her up until he knew if our relationship was going to work out.

He has not really made any effort to see if our relationship will work! Dates here and there where we have gotten along great and had a great time. He has made comments alluding to our future together a lot.

TODAY: After spending yesterday together and a nice date last night, he comes over today and says he wants to talk. This is what he says:

– I”m sorry I’ve hurt you but I have got to let you go. I like you and still love you but this is not going to work.

– You’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done.

– Do whatever you need to do to let me go.

Yada yada yada. Fotografia . I said ok. Then he left.

I dig a bit deeper and find out he’s been seeing her all along. And it seems EVERYONE knows about it except me. I feel so humiliated and lied to. Who does this to someone? Who can string their wife along like this and be so devious and lie? As for the POS woman, what the heck? He’s still a married man.

I feel sick inside. I feel so betrayed and I feel like a fool. I still loved him and I wanted to make things right.



Monthly Archives: January 2013

Divorce Reasons: North Carolina Man, Warren Pegram, Blames …

There are many factors that contribute to divorce, including money, infidelity and general incompatibility — to name a few. But one North Carolina man is playing the blame game with an unlikely source: his church. According to FOX 8 WGHP, Warren Pegram is suing Cane Creek Meeting of the Society of Friends, a Quaker church, … Continue reading

Simply Shamime: Beware of the Male Ego: #2 “An Eligible Ego?”

I love the articleEligible, Black, Male, and Hopelessly Single. For once it highlights what black men have to offer instead of highlighting what many women or sociological studies claim black men lack. The Ghosts referenced in the above article mirror men that date multiple women and do not marry (in general)…Men are NOT dating seriously … Continue reading

Dear Aunt Nadithi: Madly in-love with a married man | Malawi News

I am a 32-year-old beautiful and intelligent woman with a good job. Three years ago my husband and I divorced following his infidelity. We have a six-year-old son and I spoil him ferociously. After the divorce, I vowed to keep clear of all men as I was very disappointed with the unfaithfulness of … Continue reading

Advice For Dating A Divorced Man – Internet Dating Advice

When your marriage is moving along smoothly it feels as though everything else in your life fits perfectly into place. Our central relationship grounds us and helps us feel strong and supported. When signs of wear and emotional tear begin to show around the corners of a marriage, it’s easy to look the other way … Continue reading

PHEW! This “Racy” – I Am Divorced Not Dead

<!– Featured Image –> So this past weekend I was invited out for drinks and appies with the moms of my son’s hockey teams — a great opportunity to get to know each other outside the rink.  And inevitably, as the evening wore on, a question … Continue reading

True Love is Hard Work | Laurell K Hamilton

Its been very interesting reading the comments on my FaceBook page about love, and the flowers that Jon, my husband, gave me. There seems to be this idea that men are barbarians and women are the civilizing influences, so we train them up to be what we need, or want. Or that there are … Continue reading

Emes Ve-Emunah: The Impact of Tznius on the “Shiddach Crisis”

My outlook on Judaism is based mostly on the teachings of my primary Rebbe, Rabbi Aaron Soloveichik from whom I received my rabbinic ordination. It is also based on a search for spiritual truth. Among the various sources that put me on the right path, two great philosophic works stand out: Halakhic Man and Lonely … Continue reading

Men in Uniform and Women’s Psyches | World of Psychology

My friend and I are always bonding over our love for guys in plaid shirts. I don’t know what it is, but the trademark print definitely induces a soft spot and brings smiles. Maybe it alludes to a down-to-earth persona, or an overall feeling of coziness? In any case, that train of thought got us … Continue reading

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey Waited Until Marriage for Sex

I was cruising the tabloid sites and came across a story that I thought was sweet. While on Howard Stern, Nick Cannon admitted that wife Mariah Carey and he waited until they were married to have sex. Normally, I don’t like it when a man publicly talks about any doings with a woman in the … Continue reading

He’s lied all along – Talk About Marriage

So my story is long but anyway… We have been separated for over a year and I asked him to move out of our house last July due to him not breaking off an EA with an old flame. The past few months hes been very attentive, taking me out on dates, wanting to spend … Continue reading