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What Women Want Is An Alpha Male, Says HuffPost Blogger Emma …

In a buzzy blog published on HuffPost Divorce earlier this week, single mom Emma Johnson admitted that she prefers dating alpha males — and men who are agressive in bed.

“When you are an independent woman with lots of responsibilities, many men assume that we want to carry out that strong role all the time. But I need to feel like a woman, and times I enjoy that most are when I am with a man,” Johnson wrote. “If I am being honest with myself, being a woman means — to a degree — being passive. And that requires a man who is — to a degree — the alpha.”

Johnson talked more about her dating preferences on HuffPost Live Thursday, and noted that many woman are afraid to admit that they want an alpha male.

“We feel so afraid to acknowledge that we have this inherent need to be with manly men. We fear that we’re going to give up some of our power,” she said. “I like to be with agressive men, alpha men who are strong in this world and strong with me one on one, but that doesn’t mean I want to give up my right to vote or that I choose to earn less than a man in the workplace. “

Watch what else she had to say in the video above, then click through the slideshow below for dating dealbreakers, according to the Twitterverse.

Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter.



Dating after divorce and abuse. – Talk About Marriage

Thank you for the responses. In the questions WomanScorned asked, I think when I tell him I am having a bad day, sometimes he contacts me, not knowing my mood at the time, I am just looking for friends to let me know I can get through it. I turn to friends on those days, so as to not be just at home alone, by myself stewing on it. They tell me my positives, and my ex’s negatives, so I do not back step… Sometimes, I am just looking for someone to listen to me. I find it helps airing it out, as I usually find my own strength after repeating it..

I need to start journaling more,, if I write out my feelings as soon as I feel them start, maybe that will help me get through it quicker, and on my own, without having to dump things on my friends all the time.

I guess, the biggest reason, is I didn’t have friends before, and the only one I discussed my feelings to was my ex, which in turn persuaded me to feel as he wanted me to feel. It’s like a kid with a new toy,,, I enjoy doing different things with different friends, as they all have their own ways. I just like knowing I have people who truly care about me, and are in my corner. And if he can’t be in my corner when I’m in overload… then I have to cut him loose. carrera de fotografia .

I have told EVERYONE , that I have made my standard, that I deserve to be treated with respect and as an equal, and I will not settle for less.

My new male friend is very funny and likes me to make decisions.. BIG step for me. He actually had me pick a movie we watched,, and he watched the one I picked.!!! Sounds little to some people, but I was nervous as heck making that decision, and my choice was respected. So he pushes me, and maybe I need to stay on that track..

I am struggling right now with keeping myself from using the “victim” mode, when someone isn’t attentive to me. >> See, I think I just solved one of my own problems now. will talk to him sometime and will update. Thanks



Covenant Relationships: Fishing For Men (and Women) Online by …

Relationships that have a special covenant – Between God & Wo(Man), Husband & Wife, Parent & Child



1st Date Mistakes For A Divorced Man | Tony and Kris Official Website

Whether you married young like I did or had been in a long marriage, you may feel clueless about how to date again. It’s like waking up from a coma and finding yourself in a foreign land, having to learn a new language and understand different social norms. I have experienced this first hand on bad dates with divorced men who are anxious and don’t know what to do or say. Here are some common mistakes divorced men make on first dates:

Mistake #1: You negatively talk about your ex and the failed marriage. Divorce is never pleasant, and men usually have some unfavorable feelings towards their ex-wives. But there is nothing more unattractive than a man complaining about his previous relationship and his ex. Cynical statements about why the marriage didn’t work out will make any potential partner run for the hills. Instead, focus on your date and discuss your interests and hobbies to get her excited about being with you. If she asks about your ex and marriage, keep your answer brief and positive and convey how you are looking forward to having a close relationship again. Then quickly move on to another topic and share fun, uplifting stories. Also, find good friends, family members or a therapist to discuss your hardships with so you don’t find yourself dumping on your dates.

Mistake #2: You discuss your financial woes. Divorce often results in financial distress. Men may find themselves having to pay support, lawyer fees, selling and buying new homes and even switching jobs to accommodate the new arrangement. It’s understandable that you are more aware of how to manage your money, but that doesn’t mean you need to let your date know about your financial woes. Don’t complain about how expensive the meal is and suggest that the woman to order an appetizer because after all, you have to pay your ex child support (yes, this actually happens)! Do your research before taking her out and find something that is affordable so that there is no angst when the bill arrives. Avoid talking about your job that is perhaps in jeopardy and instead focus on talking about what you like about your job and your passions. Overall, the topic of money should be avoided.

Mistake #3: You are continuously angry and self-absorbed with your own problems. Divorce is an emotional roller-coaster with many ups and downs. You might feel depressed, anxious, exhausted, embarrassed, guilty and/or overwhelmed at any given point in time. Be careful to not let those negative feelings and thoughts bleed into your dating life. Many of my female clients have stated that the number one reason they didn’t want to go out on second date with a man is because he was very negative or had a depressed and angry attitude. Women like men who are positive, fun, humorous, optimistic and uplifting. Ask questions about her to see what makes her tick rather than pouring your heart out about all of your problems. If you’ve had a bad day at the office or a fight with your ex, shake it off before the date by talking to a friend, listening to music or going for a run. Make sure you are in a positive state of mind before going on the date. It’s better to reschedule for another day if you are in a bad place to ensure a great first impression.

Mistake #4: You are stuck in college. Gone are the days of bringing your gal to tailgate with your buddies while wearing your football jersey. Depending on your previous dating experience pre-marriage, you may need to brush up on dating etiquette. Know how to treat your lady. Open doors, ask her what food she enjoys, learn about wines, pay for the valet, help her with her jacket and find interesting and romantic things to do. If the waitress pours you a little wine to sniff and taste and you don’t know much about wine, do it anyway! Don’t say, “Just go ahead and pour the wine. I’m sure it’s fine.” Fake it until you make it, bud. Women notice the little things.

Mistake #5: You talk about your kids the entire date. If you are a single parent, your kids are and should be one of the most important parts of your life. It is nice to show pictures and share a few things about what makes you proud as a parent. In fact, most women find men who are fathers very attractive because they recognize that they are more giving, caring and know what it is like to be in a long-term relationship. Be careful however, not to talk about your kids throughout the whole dinner. When you are first getting to know a woman, focus on the two of you as a possible couple, not her as the next stepmother. A woman wants to feel that you are going to want her as a partner, and the focus should be the two of you. Once an established relationship is made, there will be plenty of time for her to get to know the children and the entire family.

Remember, these mistakes and tips are based on first dates and impressions. Of course, as the relationship grows and trust is established, you will divulge more personal information. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you should really take the time to heal after divorce and make sure you are ready to date. If you find yourself exhibiting anger, feeling depressed and are not emotionally present on your dates, then you might not be ready to date again or need to hire a coach like we have here at The Art of Charm to help you navigate the dating world. So throw away the cup of beer and toast with your wine glass to a new you!

Source: Huffington Post Kim Seltzer

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Chris Brown’s Dad Speaks Out Against His Relationship With …

chris brown rihanna

We don’t know much about Chris Brown’s father except he still lives in their hometown of Tappahannock, VA and apparently he really disapproves of his son’s on-again off-again relationship with Rihanna.

“I personally really didn’t want him and Rihanna back together,” Clinton Brown said in a recent interview with the Daily News. “You have to have a balance in a relationship. You have to have someone who is spontaneous and whimsical but you also have to have someone who is grounded and logical.”

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“I hate to use examples, but Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse — I mean I could go on and on,” he said. “Is that a given — that you can’t have fortune and fame without (death) being the end result?”

He went on to say he understands why his son would be attracted to the Barbadian bombshell. “She’s beautiful, she’s exotic, she’s successful,” he said. But, “sometimes you just need that person who will listen to you without judging, who knows what it feels like. If he talks to someone who’s not in the business they may not understand.”

Clinton mentioned a few things he disliked about the “Stay” singer when he answered a question about recent pregnancy rumors.

“(Rihanna) would make a good mom. I think she would probably have to change some of her antics — the party attitude would probably have to change,” he said. “I don’t think they would just whimsically and spontaneously have a child with them being in this mode. That’s why I don’t see it happening — but anything’s possible, man.”

Although he’s not feeling RiRi, he did admit that he loved Chris’ ex Karrueche Tran. “I liked her a lot. They seemed to get on terrifically,” he said. “Whenever she was around me, the quiet, meek, accommodating, respectful image is what she portrayed.”

But since that relationship didn’t work out, Clinton suggested his son date someone a little more like sixth “American Idol” winner Jordin Sparks. “I personally liked Jordin Sparks. She’s a wholesome young lady, very pretty,” he said.

We highly doubt Miss. Sparks would ever give Chris Brown the time of day. But wishful thinking, dad.

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Do Men Consider Women In Their 40′s Relationship Material?

Name: NBKEYBOARDACCESS

Comment: Moxie,

Im a 40 yo single woman who has usually had a boyfriend, hence, I just started online dating about 5 months ago. Needless to say, it has been a disappointing and discouraging experience. Ive never proactively dated, so Im on the naive side. I do look 6-10 years younger,(and yes, I know every girl says this, but Im happy to attach pictures to confirm)and am often asked out by men in their late 20s to early 30s. I recognize that these men have no interest in a relationship, but Im always up for a fun night so I occasionally go. When I first started online dating the endless parade of dates was fun and exciting, but it got exhausting fast. 80% of them were unattractive or incompatible, and the other 20% simply wanted a one night stand. Mind you, OKC was my site of choice.. so now Im trying to limit myself to men who want more than a one night stand and to that end, will be upgrading from OKC to match.

My question to you is, what is the cutoff point? Do men in their late 30s/early 40s consider 40 year old women relationship material, or should I limit myself to 45+ yo men? As far as I know, if a male doesnt want children, your age is a less important number than where you fall on the 1-10 scale of attractiveness, ie youre only as old as you look.
Age: 40
City: Brooklyn
State: New York

and the other 20% simply wanted a one night stand.

Im going to blown your mind right now. Ready? I will bet any amount of money that Mr. Relationship was part of that 20%. Heres why I know that: because most women havent a clue as to how to determine whether a man is just looking to laid. Unless these men came out and told you they just wanted a one night stand, you have no evidence to back up your theory. All you have is years and years of crappy advice from your girlfriends. Something youll need to understand about men and dating now is that they prefer sex to happen sooner than later. If it doesnt, or theres too much challenge presented, these guys wont think twice about Fading on you and looking elsewhere. Because they can. They have options that you dont. So while these men in the 20% might have made a sexual comment or two or invited you back to their place, what I bet many were doing was testing the waters to see how you reacted. If you got uptight or defensive, they assigned you a high level of difficulty and mentally kicked you to the curb. I happen to think that the days of men judging women for having sex too soon are pretty much gone, save for the men here and there with the fragile egos.
My question to you is, what is the cutoff point? Do men in their late 30s/early 40s consider 40 year old women relationship material,

For the most part? No. Fotografia . Certainly not if they want children. But youll pursue them anyway, Im sure because youre convinced that you look young enough to be considered relationship material by them. Thats why you made it a point to mention your youthful appearance. You were setting up your defense. (And mind you, I wrote that part before I even read that last line.)

should I limit myself to 45+ yo men?

I dont know if I would say that you should limit yourself to them. I think a better word is focus. You should direct your attention and efforts to meeting men in the 45+ range if you seek something committed and long term. If you seek a relationship, then you need to be looking at the Divorced Dad crowd and the guys in their mid/late forties to early fifties. Which isnt a bad thing.

I dont understand this whole thing about not wanting to date guys in their mid-forties. Yes, I know. Youre really active and fit and still dance like nobodys watching, like when you were 25. You know what is the best thing about dating men 45 and older? They actually want you. Unlike those 38 year olds youre hanging your hopes on who might date you for a few months until someone younger comes along. Because she will.

As far as I know, if a male doesnt want children, your age is a less important number than where you fall on the 1-10 scale of attractiveness, ie youre only as old as you look.

Nope. They pretty much still prefer younger women. The ones who are open to dating a woman of 40+ are in pretty high demand. If you want them, then be ready to go to the mattresses, because you will have stiff competition. Age trumps hotness, Im afraid. Except with the younger guys. They just want to bang you for the story and experience.

I realize that this isnt what you wanted to hear. But the fact is that youve had a string of boyfriends and nothing appears to have resulted in what you wanted. Or maybe it did and youre just looking for a guy to date for a little while. I dont know. What I know is that youre now 40 and youre doing what you can to find reasons why you cant meet someone appropriate. Its not OK Cupids fault. Welcome to dating at 40. Match isnt going to be much different, especially if you try to get the guy in his thirties. This is what its like. You had 15+ years to find your Mr. Right. For whatever reason, none of those worked out in the way you wanted. Now youre hoping that lightening will strike again.

The problem isnt an algorithm or a website. Youre grappling with facing the reality that this is how dating is for you now. Ive noticed that the women who return to the dating scene at some point in the last few years struggle the most. The dating landscape has changed and will continue to change change rapidly. Its just..harder now. Especially for women our age. Ive said this before: the 37-44 year old men in Manhattan and even Brooklyn arent looking for us. Youre going to have to branch out and start looking in Connecticut and New Jersey or even further. If you insist on local, then you have to channel your search and make yourself available to the 45-50 crowd. A lot of men 40-45 are still hanging on to the possibility of having children. Even if that pang to reproduce is faint, those guys are going to naturally seek out women they believe are of optimum child bearing age.

Dating isnt like a vending machine. When the last Snickers bar is gone, the universe doesnt magically put 10 more in your path. Your choice is to wait around for someone to come along and refill that option or select the Twizzler or Baby Ruth. Yeah, its not what you originally wanted. Someone came along before you and bought that Snickers before you could have a chance. Thats what its like to date at 40 in Manhattan or probably any other major city where there is an overage of single women to single men.

You can continue to pursue the late thirties to early forties guy. Im not saying that getting one of them to commit is impossible. What you have to ask yourself is whether the frustration you will experience by holding out for them is worth your time. You also have to consider is whether or not you want to take those hits and run the risk of becoming less available and more impatient. There really is nothing more sad than listening to a woman in her mid-thirties and older complain about online dating and dating in general. The stench of bravado and remorse in her words is a pungent one.

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HeartMath LLC: Managing Marriage Stress Starts With Self

By Deborah Rozman

While having a long, happy marriage is one of the predictors of longevity and a source of great meaning and fulfillment in our lives, getting married often registers as one of the most stressful major events we can experience. Sustaining happiness over the bumpy road of decades together is no easy task, either. The potential stressors in a long-term romantic relationship are myriad: wondering if this is the right person, financial insecurity, wedding planning, jealousy, differing styles of managing money, sex and intimacy issues, infidelity, parenting, in-laws, overloaded schedules, health crises…

All too often, it’s easy to react to marital stress in counterproductive ways like denial, avoidance, suppression, compromising, venting, and living like roommates instead of partners.

According to several recent studies, a stressful marriage can create more health problems for someone than if they had never married at all. Another suggests that a stressful marriage can be “as bad for the heart as a regular smoking habit.”

To keep your marriage or long-term relationship low-stress, strong and happy, it’s critical to learn to manage your attitudes and emotions and lead with your heart — from that intelligent, self-secure place inside where wisdom, intuition and understanding reside.

Stress indicates something’s out of balance. Your No. 1 responsibility is to take care of yourself. To address the relationship issues you face with clarity, you need to get back in balance to adequately access your mental and intuitive faculties. In the moment of stress, learning to reset and go to ease can make all the difference between a happy marriage and misery, or even divorce. It’s about getting your heart and brain aligned so your intuition can speak, something we’ve taught thousands to do, including many certified marriage and family therapists. Here are some tips for a stress-reduced marriage or relationship from HeartMath:

  1. Developing a healthy, mature relationship with yourself and learning to self-manage your reactions is the No. 1 way we’ve found to manage the stress of a relationship. When we can handle ourselves well, then we are more able to have an effective relationship with another person.
  2. Healthy communication is key. You can learn to resolve conflict without doing damage to the relationship — or each other. Develop the capacity to be genuine and heart-vulnerable. Listen without judgment.
  3. Spend more alone time together. Many couples get so busy that they lead separate lives and understandably feel disconnected. Schedule regular dates and show your spouse they’re a priority.
  4. Learn HeartMath’s Quick Coherence technique to get you into heart-brain coherence quickly when you feel conflict rising.
  5. Read HeartMath’s article on improving relationships and download HeartMath’s Improving Relationships ebooklet for more helpful guidance.
  6. Put away the electronic devices that keep your attention off of your spouse. One that can actually bring you closer together is HeartMath’s emWave®2, our award-winning stress-busting tool. Using this feedback device to get into heart coherence, you and your spouse can transform volatile fights into meaningful discussions that bring insight and resolution to your issues.

The most beneficial thing therapists who prescribe the emWave2 to their marriage counseling clients have discovered is for each of the parties to use the emWave2 device to get into heart coherence before they start talking with each other. The John Gottman Institute, which specializes in teaching MFTs and others to use best practices in relationship therapy, often recommend using the emWave2 as it helps make it easier to speak to and understand one’s partner when one is calm and centered.

When I was an advisor to The Dr. Phil Show, they would send people to us for training. They asked HeartMath to work with a couple they had on their show who were on the brink of divorce. I taught them Quick Coherence and other HeartMath techniques and provided each one with an emWave2 to first get in sync within themselves, and then with each other during communications. With some coaching, they totally transformed themselves and their marriage with these tools.

Knowing that you have tools available and skills you and your spouse can learn to handle whatever comes along in your relationship and lives should give you confidence that you can have a long-term, happy marriage. Other than that, all you need is love!

For more by HeartMath, click here.

For more on stress, click here.

debbieDeborah Rozman, Ph.D., is president and CEO of HeartMath LLC, located in Boulder Creek, Calif. HeartMath provides scientifically-validated and market-validated tools and technologies that activate the intelligence and power of the heart to dramatically reduce stress while empowering health, performance and behavioral change in individuals and organizations. HeartMath’s award winning emWave® technologies monitor and provide real time feedback on heart rhythm (HRV) coherence levels, an important indicator of mental and emotional state. HeartMath also offers training and certification programs for organizations, health professionals and coaches, and a self-paced online personal development program called HeartMastery for individuals.

Dr. Rozman has been a psychologist in research and practice, entrepreneur and business executive for over 30 years. She was founding executive director of the Institute of HeartMath, and now serves on the Institute’s Scientific Advisory Board and Global Coherence Initiative Steering Committee. She is co-author with HeartMath founder Doc Childre of the Transforming series of books (New Harbinger Publications): Transforming Anger, Transforming Stress, Transforming Anxiety and Transforming Depression. She is a key spokesperson on heart intelligence and the role of the heart in stress management, performance and wellness.


Follow HeartMath LLC on Twitter:

www.twitter.com/HeartMath



Salt Free Life » Blog Archive » Getting the perfect Tips on How to …

You could acquire sordid relationship advice on-line that will assist you breakup whenever your purpose is definitely marriage. It comes with an benefits to likely to get costly relationship suggestions from marriage counselors or psychologists however will not develop the best alternatives. Sometimes it is decent to obtain marriage advice and relationship tips originating from a source which can be unknown to assist you developed a point to point solution to this question. You possibly will not trust them in some cases, but never ever force anybody you’re in a very relationship through to do something they don’t can do. be ready produce Look for I wish I had a Clue Here Consider what your lover is at ease and likes and consult with that, not against it. If it’s drastically dissimilar to anything you like or even might like to do, then you might be better off having someone who is more such as you. Number of searching for relationship tips online can be found there are people and answers obtainable twenty-four hours a day and 7 days a week. Rather than just placing in bed staring at the limit you may be receiving online and demanding advice so that you can avoid breaking apart. You could possibly be allowed to find advisers online who are ready to work with you out and about. No person has to know actually thinking of. Be agreeable with the food great standing of not just harmonizing folks up but of selecting those uneasy in partnership. Obtain for second suggestions both offline and also online. Don’t take a “What’s my very own is mine” techniques for items. These are probably the most all-encompassing marriage advice and ideas you can find and can solve or perhaps prevent most problems that appear in any bond.

Within modern time, women think it is harder to locate themselves all their ‘prince charming’, with more and even more cases connected with divorced marriages cropping up. Positive, you two happen to be a few for years right now (or actually years). Consider the feeling you will get once you can’t delay to see the girl. Though you’ve advised your girl the way beautiful her feet are, reading it another time all over will give her the assurance the woman needs. By removing these kinds of relationship guidance for men to heart, you can actually obtain harmony and harmony in your relationship. Have you recently been staring at you guy that you really were definitely into, nonetheless been too nervous to work terrific guts to go and also that first move? depend upon the clothing Discover Kilo USA If you are searching with regard to relationship advice for ladies after that Stephanie Owens’ “Man to be able to Love” is something which you might want to learn. Falling in love is just the first step; moreover important once that’s executed is how to keep him or her in adore. Guys just do not think just like girls do. Many difference concerning personals might be a good reason exactly why couples fight much of the time. Sometimes, girls just need to rant. They need you to dissect the problem. Which is just component to as a lady. Exactly what is done is finished. Throughout Real Women of all ages, Real Really like, seasoned relationship-specialist Amy Waterman writes about relationship information for women and also she says how to discover the beauty that is certainly in the spirit and soul of your women. The good news is, this isn’t the case! She says if women could learn to make use of the power of their female beauty to get men content, bring them to process you, and create them feel warm, along with wanting to commence a bond, in which case you would’t need to confidence the dresses and the cosmetics for your self-assurance.

The particular spaces that need to be bridged tend to be bigger than what lovers notice. Exactly what must be worked tirelessly on to get a profitable relationship? But if your relationship is actually dealing with complications now, all these pieces of assistance are worth looking at. Look at, No matter if you’re ccky, favorable, funny or even boring. If you believe good about who you are, assuming you have that passion about lifetime, if you happen to enjoy yourself in addition to what’s going on you deal with, you are going to have no problem whatsoever getting the females you would like. variances, most likely La Route Des Vacances Advice Although men react preferable to physical activities. Simply kiss him about the cheek if he will not expects the item. We can see, you can’t simply just increase to a girl and present her eagerness. Is actually in your character, on the elements of you that will make you people. Adult males aren’t comfortable at displaying their feelings — Disagreements will probably be reduced as soon as you follow that relationship advice with regard to. Guys need time frame, patience and understanding before that they share any feelings they are concealing inside theirselves. Considering that women crave interest! That is something you are going to listen to in both long-distance relationship help and advice seminars and frequent dating instruction. They want more apperance and dollars. It could be that his mind was pre-occupied as you told your pet to accomplish these things. It’s more useful to make a to-do-list for what needs to be accomplished to keep the dog reminded of their household assignments. By Kimajoro rajanim

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‘Lenox Avenue’s’ Al Thompson Gives The Lowdown on New Dating …

Lenox Avenue is a web series about dating in Harlem.  Through it’s three male stars, we get an inside look at what makes men tick in relationships. The super-short webisodes offer an inside look at the dynamics of dating from a male’s point of view.

This week, CocoaFab chatted with the show’s creator, writer, and star, Al Thompson to get the scoop on dating in Harlem and beyond.

Harlem has had a makeover. “When I grew up in Harlem, we barely had a movie theater. Now, in Harlem, people have a place they can live, work and play.  Before, if you lived in Harlem and you worked downtown, you would frequent the bar around the corner from your job.  Now there are nice restaurants and attractions and you can get a plate of Sea bass or duck, not just chicken and waffles anymore.  The transition of Harlem is amazing for the social scene up here. “

The ladies love it.  “An interesting thing is that we skew a female audience, about 72%.  It’s a male-centric show, but a lot of females really enjoy it,” says Al. “They never get to see men have honest conversation.  They get a chance to get the true male perspective.  With Lenox Avenue, we get to see ourselves through male eyes.  Women get to see how we perceive them in certain situations. “

Men have a bad rap. “There are dudes out there with good FICO scores,” he says. “We’re not just sitting on the couch with a pizza and ten beer bottles on the table just wanting to watch football.”  There are plenty of men I know who want to be married, want monogamous relationships, want to have kids. You don’t usually see that on TV these days.”

The scene is more multicultural. “We see it every day,” he says. “TV has kind of lost touch of what today’s society looks like, and what their identity is.” One point the show highlights is the surge of interracial relationships among the demographic.  “Men and women are dating people of other races a lot more frequently,” says Al. “There’s a multicultural aspect of dating now. People are in love and they’re getting married and they’re making themselves happy.”

Don’t give up.  “More and more women are kind of giving up,” he says. “They’re ‘experimenting’ with women or they’re deciding to adopt, or be inseminated because they don’t want to wait for a man. I wish women would be more patient and more open.  You have to go out to meet someone. Nothing happens in the house. Even if you meet on the internet you still have to go get coffee.

Be a friend. “One of the best thing women can do when they find a good guy is to be a friend,” he says. “It’s so simple, but sometimes they forget how important that is.” Another word of advice? “Be honest! There’s a new trend in lying called “omission” and women think that doesn’t count, but it does.”

“One constructive comment we get a lot is that people want the episodes to be longer,” he says. “I’d really love if Harlem was really behind the show, and if Harlem was the leading contributor to the series.  They could help fund the show that is really their show it would be amazing.”

CocoaFab has the exclusive first look at the latest episode. Watch the fellas tackle dating, sex, and friendship here!

Connect with Al Thompson on Twitter & Instagram: @AlThompsonInc

Follow the show via Twitter: @LenoxAveSeries



My spouse wants a divorce but I don’t… – Patheos

It’s now been 32+ years since we eloped to the temple.  In that time we’ve seen three marriage counselors (non LDS). At the first counselor my wife turned to me and said, “…When we got married, I didn’t love you.”  This crushed me.  I had loved only her and while I am not the brightest bulb in the box, my heart and devotion to her never wavered.  Since then, we’ve seen two other counselors and it has become easier for her to say to me when I ask her how she feels about me,“It’s complicated” instead of “I love you”. Most recently, her words were, “I don’t need a man in my life” and “I can’t see me being married to you for eternity” (her words). And why not?  She makes 3 times what I make and that makes me unnecessary, right?.  Her mother passed away a
few years back, bitter against her husband for reasons I’m not fully aware of (and some I am), and my wife said she does not want to end up like her mother, bitter for the rest of her life.  She constantly points out that we have only two children and our Church membership in common, nothing else. During counseling sessions I too found  it impossible to note any common interests, even though over the years I attempted to reinvent myself, something that I was not able to do to her satisfaction.  She has plans with other [women] friends/clients to vacation abroad without me.  I was specifically told with regards to one of these trips that I was NOT invited.  Often every week, she rebuffs me, refuses to engage in conversations and will almost without exception rejects me when I as for sex.  Masturbation is not an option for me even though out of curiosity when I asked for her permission to do so, she said to go right ahead.  My bishop is fully aware of what is going on but it seems bishops have gotten out of the business of counseling couples in marriage.  When I asked my wife if she would see an LDS marriage counselor she responded with , “Really? A fourth?”. It turns out the only one in our area is our daughter’s age so she is off our list now too (I have to agree.).  She rarely goes to church anymore and while I know some of that is from her demanding work load, most of it is personal; I usually sit alone in the back at church. I know she is struggling with certain aspects of her testimony.  She no longer believes that dream she had of me so long ago as credible direction from God that we should have married and as such, with no romantic love for me, there is no reason to remain married to me. I work a couple of times a month in our temple, but I always go alone. I see happy couples at church (though I know not everyone is…) playing off of one another and at the temple holding hands, smiling at each other.  Such scenes crush my soul and I often turn away and withdraw to stem the flood of pain in my heart.  I refrain from pornography, masturbation, flirting with other women because I know indulging would be wrong.  We’ve slept in separate rooms for years, yet I long to be touched and held.  The periods of depression have been severe. I can’t say that I haven’t thought of taking my life at times, but I am sobered up by what that would to do my [grown] children and other family members.   I know that would be a very bad path.  As a kid growing up in a inactive-part member family, I had always thought that blessings in the Celestial kingdom and missions were for others like my friends whose families were active in the Church and did everything right.  I did not fit that mold. Only after some “divine” intervention did I serve a mission.  It was then that I found that I too could “receive all that the Father hath”.  Yet today, I feel unlovable and destined to live out not only my days but eternity alone.  I have perhaps the greatest empathy for those who have never married yet want to be.  My heart goes out to those who have lost a spouse they loved and were loved by.  There is a special sister whom I strongly admire who serves in the temple with me sometimes who lost her husband.  She chooses to go to the temple; she does not raise a clinched fist towards heaven but bows before the Lord  humbly serving with devotion.  I feel so conflicted when I see the good examples of others when I focus so much on my own pain.  Going to the temple is the ONLY respite there is in my life.  The comfort afterwards lasts but a few days or hours but the effort to get to and serve in the temple is worth it.
  • It is very difficult to know how to move forward when one partner wants the relationship to continue while the other is wanting a divorce.  Your comments on agency are correct.  At some level, regardless how much we may want to love our spouse, we don’t get to stay married unless both people are committed and willing.  This is one of the hardest principles of marriage – so much is out of our control.  We trust another person with our heart, our vulnerability, our goals/dreams, our loyalty and our future.  Sometimes that trust and leap of faith really pays off – other times it tragically does not.  If your wife is already convinced she wants a divorce and is moving forward in that direction, there is little you will be able to do to convince her otherwise.  Especially when it sounds to me like she has been moving in that direction for many years – making this a chronic situation.  It sounds like her main motivations for continuing at this point have to do with the sake of your children and possibly religious reasons she now is also pulling away from.
  • It becomes in your best interest then to figure out what you do have control over.  Mainly yourself – and how you can go forward in a healing way.  I notice lots of self-depracting comments towards yourself.  Usually self-esteem takes a big hit in emotionally abusive relationships.  I recommend you begin individual sessions with a trained therapist to help you address issues of self worth, appropriate boundaries going forward, learning how to advocate for yourself and facing acceptance of your wife’s choices.  AAMFT.org is a good resource in helping you find a therapist in your geographical region.
  • It is important to not fall into the trap of re-writing our history in ways that are unhealthy.  For example you mention “my taking advantage of a 20 year old girl who was struggling to cope with a hateful family when she joined the Church.”  Nothing of what you report supports this statement.  It sounds like you pursued and dated a love interest, eventually taking the risk of asking for her hand in marriage.  It sounds like you respected the space she needed to make that decision.  Whatever reasons she had for answering in the affirmative at that point of her life are not your responsibility.  She was an adult and she made the decision to accept your proposal.  If she made the decision to marry you for other reasons than being in love – that falls on her.  And remember, she may be re-writing her history as well.  Usually the process of choosing a spouse has many complicated factors – many happening at a sub-conscious level.
  • Staying married in a chronically abusive relationship is not healthy for the entire family system.  Often people will say “I’m willing to work on this marriage for the sake of the children” – a great reason to put forth a truly concerted effort and an important time to start marital therapy (hopefully lasting at least 10-12 months).  Our children deserve  for us to make this type of effort.  However, children are not a sustainable reason to stay together long term.  And if all they have as a role model for marital intimacy is the neglectful or abusive relationship of their parents – this can harm them as much as divorce.  They learn the same strategies and coping mechanisms being modeled and have a higher likelihood to repeat such patterns in their own marriages.
  • When a marriage dissolves, you are no longer responsible to take a compromising role in the relationship.  In other words, your wife’s testimony and her ability to engage with the church will not be your issue.  I encourage you to make decisions going forward that help you have the support and network you need to thrive – instead of making decisions as to what you might assume would be in the best interest of your wife.  The only area it is still important to be civil, respectful and able to work together is in co-parenting efforts.
  • It sounds like you have been in a sexless marriage for a significant period of time.  I’m impressed that you and your wife were able to discuss options such as masturbation – since she was not willing to share herself sexually with you.  It is my position that couples have the right to figure out their sexual boundaries and activities as a couple.  Therefore, if she is comfortable with you masturbating and you have no other sexual outlet in your marriage – this can be a healthy compromise until you both figure out more relational ways to be sexual (either with each other or in another relationship).
  • It was a red flag to me that you said you were “addicted” to your sexual relationship with your wife.  It is perfectly normal and healthy to have or want robust and frequent sexuality within marital bonds.  In fact it is important on many different levels: marital bonding, stress reduction, physical health, etc.  I’m afraid you are shaming yourself inappropriately by feeling you had a sexual need your wife did not share or reciprocate.
  •  It will be important to reframe your relationship in a positive way.  Often we speak of divorce as a “failed marriage.”  I believe this is shortsighted.  Regardless of what happens in a marriage – it is definitely a learning laboratory.  It is also a place where your children were born.  There is much to be celebrated and take with us from all of life’s experiences.  I’m not trying to minimize the pain and sorrow that comes with divorce – I’m just saying it is important to look at the process in terms more encompassing and compassionate than “failure.”
  • Get assessed and treatment for possible clinical depression.
  • Get good legal advice.

I’m glad to hear that going to the temple is a refuge for you.  I hope you can find other resources to help you during this difficult and painful time (your bishop, friends and family, a good therapist, home teachers, spiritual practice, etc.).

The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart by Constance Ahrons is a good resource.



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